Oh look... a rant.

This is a rant that I just typed out to a friend of mine on facebook... I figured it was worth putting in my blog because it's a subject very important to me.

he... just suddenly out of nowhere gets in touch with me again... we talk for a week or so... we connect again...

then i dont hear from him for a week or two... again

and still every time we talk i remind him of how much i care and that i can't wait to get out so that maybe it could go a bit further than the internet and then....

then..... he just flat out tells me he's moving again... like it's no big deal... "Oh yeah and i'm moving. shhh dont tell anyone it's a secret. leaving in a few months"

.....

then..

of course again i'm upset cause i thought AGAIN that maybe he would wait just that one year....

so i talk to him

ask him why

and he says it's just cause he has nothing here

i told him.... i said... "really? Nothing to wait for nothing to endure for. There's nothing here that's worth anything to you is there? I shouldn't have asked, i knew you would say something like this..." and that's the last time i talked to him at all...

... how could he keep doing this to me....

how... how DARE he.... after all that... after all that happened...

 

Excuse my bad grammar and such, but when I IM someone, this is how I write.

I'm sorry guys

I haven't posted on here in months and I'm really not sure why. I'm really really sorry. I guess I just haven't felt like it. BUT AT LEAST NOW I HAVE AMAZING NEWS FOR YOU!!!

I WENT TO ORLANDO FLORIDA TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!!!! YAY! I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, right? So me and mom decide that we're going to spent two days at the Universal parks. It was epic. The first day we went to the Harry Potter side, Islands of Adventure. It was my favorite. Of course. When I first walked into the place... I was just FLABERGASTED! I kept repeating, "Oh my god!" over and over and over. I was in shock almost! Walking into the Harry Potter world... it was the very best experience of my life. I felt like I was THERE! Really, there aren't very many words to describe my feelings. I rode all the rides in that world. It was AWESOME! While I was there, I bought Draco Malfoy's wand. My mom just rolled her eyes at me, but I knew what I was doing. And for all you loyal HP fans, you also know what I was doing. Besides the fact that Draco is my favorite character, he ends up playing a VERY big part in the defeating of Voldemort. It's HIS wand that ends up killing the old snake pot. HE is the reason that the elder wand was never loyal to the dark lord. SO when I got that wand, I knew EXACTLY what I was up to. Besides the wand, me and my mom both got butterbeer in the mugs, so now we have two of those. I got myself a pumpkin juice and now I have THAT bottle. The other thing that I'm really proud of getting was my Slytherin tie. I LOVE it. I can dress up as a student now, YAY! Anyways, we also got two chocolate frogs and a pigmypuff. The wizard cards I got were Godric Griffindor and Ruena Ravenclaw. I HAVE NO IDEA IF I JUST SPELLED EITHER OF THOSE NAMES RIGHT, DON'T JUDGE ME!

That's enough of the Harry Potter world. We did other things at Universal. The most memorable were the Poseidon's Fury, Jurassic Park, Jaws, Simpsons, ET, and eating at Bubba Gump's Shrimp. I would show you all the amazing pictures, but my computer is being RETARDED AND WON'T LET ME UPLOAD ANYTHING FROM OUR MEMORY CARDS! Anyways... it was amazing. After Universal, we drove down to see my Grandpa in Cape Coral. We went to Fort Myers beach and Sanabel Island. Those were both fun days. But at the end of the vacation, me and mom were both ready to go HOME. The way home was terrible. It POURED almost the whole time. Then, THEN, about 3 miles south of Henderson, KY (basically home) WE RAN OUT OF GAS AND HAD TO CALL MY BROTHER TO FILL UP THE TANK. I was quite upset cause I only wanted to go home, but I relaxed once I saw my bro and his beautiful dog.

So, now we're home. We've been home for around 3 weeks now. I've been sitting on my butt doing nothing. NO ONE will hire me even though I've sent in at least 10 applications. I have nothing to do. BLEH! BUT saturday, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. You know. Part 2. The end. IT WAS THE SECOND BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! We were in the front row of Imax 3D! It's like we were there, man. The only thing that sucked was that I was the only one in our showing to dress up in costume. Bummer, but oh well it was worth it. I cried hysterically in the end. I mean, really, who didn't?

So, that's my life caught up a bit. I WILL write in here more. Maybe next time, I'll write a fanfic. ;D

OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT! Here's my DeviantArt account: http://anyastasianorrie.deviantart.com/

Chou!

Continued from last post...

One of the only things that i can give my dad credit for in life is treating me well when he was around. When he would pick me up, he would treat me like a fucking princess. He would promise me the moon and stars and anything i wanted even though he didnt have any money at all. It didnt matter to me that he didnt keep any of his promises, what mattered is that he offered.

What i need... what i truly need is for someone to hold me close and listen to every word that i have to say.They dont have to say anything at all. Just listen and hold me close and wipe my tears and be sweet and gentle. Even if what i was upset about was completely stupid...even if they didnt agree with what i was saying. I need someone to love me and show it. To respect me. To ask my opinion. A gentleman. To make me smile and laugh and giggle and blush. To not even mention anything sexually related. I want someone to dance with me in the rain and then pull me in and kiss me like they were about to die. Someone who knows how to be sweet and romantic. Someone who understands. Someone who wont criticize me about anything. In short, i just need someone. Somebody to love. Is there anyone? Anyone for me? Oh and please be gorgeous... and please think i'm gorgeous... gah i'm so depressed.

Two sad posts in a row? I must be PMSing

I have one follower. I know this person. That makes it not as exciting. It seems most people only read this blog if i ask them to. No other reason. I'm not inspiring people. I'm just another person trying to be famous on the internet. I will always just be another person. There's nothing special about me... I'm invisible. That's what i will always be. In a public place i will always be alone. I'm not good enough. I repel guys... because who wants to date me? I'm annoying. I'm fat. I'm gross. No one seems to catch on when i flirt, then when they realize I'm flirting, i imagine they gag and make lame excuses to leave. I'm not going to get a job. My friends that are leaving will just forget about me... i'm going to get fatter over the summer. I feel miserable right now but you know what? I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to go out to the world with the most beautiful fucking mask on that you've ever seen and win an Oscar pretending to be ok. I can't let my friends know that i'm weak. I'm their rock, you know? People look up to me. If i'm weak, then what would they think? I have to be strong for them. I have to try... no matter how much my heart gets broken, i'll still carry on because i'm pathetic like that. If no one notices me in a crowded room, I'll deal with it. If i feel alone, i'll get over it and talk to myself or something. when i feel fat, i'll just get on the internet and search fat people and make myself feel skinny again. This is me. I look strong... but i'm really like an egg... easy to break and messy on the inside.

First Sad Post :'(

There are only three more days of school. I go around telling everyone that I cant wait for it to end.... but in my heart I know that's a lie. A lot of my new friends are seniors this year. Some I just wont see again because they're moving. Right now is the first time I really thought about it. Most of these people didn't buy a yearbook this year. In fact, only one of them did. I'm going to type what I would have written in all of your yearbooks, and revise what i already wrote in the one.

To Cody,
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you this year. I'm sorry for every unkind word, for every time i pushed you away. I wish I had more time to get to know you. I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful person and you've been there when most weren't. I wish you all the luck in the Army and I hope you get everything that you strive for. I'll never forget you. I hope we can stay in contact or Imma miss you terribly.

To Luke,
I only met you about halfway through the year and I regret not getting to know you sooner. You have inspired me in the ways of God and in my theatrical hobby. You've given me some of the best advice in times of need and made me laugh when i thought I couldn't stop crying. Though I have set aside my feelings to remain friends with you, there will most likely still be a little spot in my heart. You are truly kindhearted and I hope you never change, but grow stronger in your beliefs and morals. I know you're meant for great things. I'll never forget you, and i hope you never forget me.

To Emma,
You still probably don't know where you will end up next year... but in case it's not here, I have a spot for you too. Emma, I love you girl. You're one of the sweetest people I know. You never fail to make me laugh and smile. I know I can go to you when I'm upset. We've laughed together, cried together, and danced together. I'm not sure what I'll do without you. Choir won't be the same without your questions and hand motions. Who am I going to show cute things to? Who am I gonna blow bubbles with? Who's gonna tear the balls off my enemies? I wish your mom would reconsider. You're amazing. Everything about you is beautiful. Never change, ok? You'll never be alone.

To Billy,
This must be awkward. I know it is for me. Thank you for being nice to me even though I can be annoying sometimes. You've been a great boyfriend for Elizabeth and we will all miss you when it's all said and done. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, no matter how stupid they are. You're a really awesome and funny guy. I hope you and Lizzy can somehow stay in contact and can see each other. I hate to see such a wonderful relationship die. Sometimes when I look at you two, I want to cry because it reminds me of what a true and respectful relationship should be like. I wish There were more people like you out there. Never let that kid in your heart fade away no matter how much you mature.

There, I said it all... I've been sitting here this whole time crying... I'm really gonna miss you guys. You've been true friends. Gah, I better stop writing before I break down completely. Gotta keep my composure. BE STRONG ANNA!!

Fruckin Uvula!!!

So this last weekend was pretty much made of fail. When we went to the dance recital, my cousin's dance was VERY LAST and i had to sit and watch a billion fucking children dance horribly on stage (there were some good dances too) while sitting behind a fucking infant that needed its diaper changed VERY BADLY!!! I was sitting there about to throw up because of the smell and the people who owned the child were just laughing and i was so pissed. THEN my mom, who was sitting next to me, had to know what song EVERY FUCKING PERSON was dancing to. Most of the time she didn't hear me the first time i would say it so i would have to REPEAT IT OVER AND OVER WITH A SORE FUCKING THROAT!!! It was terrible. By the time it was over, I was having a panic attack from sensory overload and my aunt had to take like 30 FUCKING MINUTES to take pictures when i was CLEARLY miserable.

Sunday I was about to die. I was sitting in church coming UBER close to falling asleep every five minutes. So, obviously seeing me completely dying, my pastor decides to preach until 1 FUCKING O'CLOCK droning on and on about the same thing. Then we get in the car. I look in the foldy sunblocky mirror thing and open my mouth to look at my throat. MY UVULA WAS GYNORMOUS AND BLOOD RED!!! It was so big that when i could muster up the courage to swallow, I ALMOST SWALLOWED MY FRUCKIN UVULA! It was gross. I showed my mom. FINALLY SHE DECIDES THAT I'M SICK AND NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

 

So we get to the doctor and the waiting room is full. The nurse lady said the wait was 1-2 hours. So we sat there... and we sat there... and people started leaving... and people came in with serious medical issues that had to leave because the wait was too long... and finally they call my name. I get everything checked by the nurse. The nurse tells us that it'll just be a few minutes and the doctor will come in. WE WAITED A FUCKING HALF HOUR FOR THE DOCTOR!! Then he came in and asked me a bagillion questions then looked at my throat. "Well, you have a nice red swollen uvula" NO FUCKING DIP SHERLOCK!! Then he says, "Well, bacteria can do that sometimes." REALLY?? REALLY?? YOU'RE A FUCKING DOCTOR!!! I KNOW MORE THAN THAT!!! So we tell him that this one medicine doesn't work for me. What does he prescribe? THAT MEDICINE. We get my meds and i have to take them right? we open them up. I HAVE TO TAKE 3 FUCKING HORSE PILLS WITH A SORE THROAT!! 

The only thing good about this weekend was that yesterday, we FINALLY got around to seeing the 4th Pirates movie. It ROCKED! Nuff said. Seriously. 

TODAY: Just took one of my finals. It was pretty easy. I doodled on the back of it lol. I have another final later and that one will also be super easy. I'm so glad that I'm getting all my grades up. Might blog later today. ;3  

I R RESBOCIPLE!!!!! (responsible o.O)

MOST OF THE HOUSE IS MOTHER TRUCKIN SPOTLESS!!!! All I need to do now is dust and do dishes.... then maybe if i feel like it I'll clean my room....

This is how i feel about my room. When it is time to clean my room, i fear my room. It's as if my room is going to eat me if i try to make it tidy. I guess my room is sorta like a dog afraid of water. IT HATES TAKING BATHS.... but when i actually get the courage to clean it, my room is a happy room. DOES NOT HAPPEN OFTEN!!

Well, my back is killing me right now... i mean KILLING ME!! It's saying to me, "ANNA, YOU'RE FAT AND I'M GOING TO PRETEND I'M OLD AND ARTHRITIC SO YOU CAN BE IN COMPLETE AGONY AND HATE YOURSELF!!!" Thank you back, thank you very much. Maybe its taunting me because it wants to be beat up because beating up my back = massage-like effect.

I think i'm getting better at drawing on paint. :) Do you think so? I mean, i'm not trying to COPY Allie in her drawings, but I find that her drawings best interpret emotions and moments, so i'm trying to get down that concept.