Continued from last post...

One of the only things that i can give my dad credit for in life is treating me well when he was around. When he would pick me up, he would treat me like a fucking princess. He would promise me the moon and stars and anything i wanted even though he didnt have any money at all. It didnt matter to me that he didnt keep any of his promises, what mattered is that he offered.

What i need... what i truly need is for someone to hold me close and listen to every word that i have to say.They dont have to say anything at all. Just listen and hold me close and wipe my tears and be sweet and gentle. Even if what i was upset about was completely stupid...even if they didnt agree with what i was saying. I need someone to love me and show it. To respect me. To ask my opinion. A gentleman. To make me smile and laugh and giggle and blush. To not even mention anything sexually related. I want someone to dance with me in the rain and then pull me in and kiss me like they were about to die. Someone who knows how to be sweet and romantic. Someone who understands. Someone who wont criticize me about anything. In short, i just need someone. Somebody to love. Is there anyone? Anyone for me? Oh and please be gorgeous... and please think i'm gorgeous... gah i'm so depressed.

Two sad posts in a row? I must be PMSing

I have one follower. I know this person. That makes it not as exciting. It seems most people only read this blog if i ask them to. No other reason. I'm not inspiring people. I'm just another person trying to be famous on the internet. I will always just be another person. There's nothing special about me... I'm invisible. That's what i will always be. In a public place i will always be alone. I'm not good enough. I repel guys... because who wants to date me? I'm annoying. I'm fat. I'm gross. No one seems to catch on when i flirt, then when they realize I'm flirting, i imagine they gag and make lame excuses to leave. I'm not going to get a job. My friends that are leaving will just forget about me... i'm going to get fatter over the summer. I feel miserable right now but you know what? I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to go out to the world with the most beautiful fucking mask on that you've ever seen and win an Oscar pretending to be ok. I can't let my friends know that i'm weak. I'm their rock, you know? People look up to me. If i'm weak, then what would they think? I have to be strong for them. I have to try... no matter how much my heart gets broken, i'll still carry on because i'm pathetic like that. If no one notices me in a crowded room, I'll deal with it. If i feel alone, i'll get over it and talk to myself or something. when i feel fat, i'll just get on the internet and search fat people and make myself feel skinny again. This is me. I look strong... but i'm really like an egg... easy to break and messy on the inside.

First Sad Post :'(

There are only three more days of school. I go around telling everyone that I cant wait for it to end.... but in my heart I know that's a lie. A lot of my new friends are seniors this year. Some I just wont see again because they're moving. Right now is the first time I really thought about it. Most of these people didn't buy a yearbook this year. In fact, only one of them did. I'm going to type what I would have written in all of your yearbooks, and revise what i already wrote in the one.

To Cody,
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you this year. I'm sorry for every unkind word, for every time i pushed you away. I wish I had more time to get to know you. I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful person and you've been there when most weren't. I wish you all the luck in the Army and I hope you get everything that you strive for. I'll never forget you. I hope we can stay in contact or Imma miss you terribly.

To Luke,
I only met you about halfway through the year and I regret not getting to know you sooner. You have inspired me in the ways of God and in my theatrical hobby. You've given me some of the best advice in times of need and made me laugh when i thought I couldn't stop crying. Though I have set aside my feelings to remain friends with you, there will most likely still be a little spot in my heart. You are truly kindhearted and I hope you never change, but grow stronger in your beliefs and morals. I know you're meant for great things. I'll never forget you, and i hope you never forget me.

To Emma,
You still probably don't know where you will end up next year... but in case it's not here, I have a spot for you too. Emma, I love you girl. You're one of the sweetest people I know. You never fail to make me laugh and smile. I know I can go to you when I'm upset. We've laughed together, cried together, and danced together. I'm not sure what I'll do without you. Choir won't be the same without your questions and hand motions. Who am I going to show cute things to? Who am I gonna blow bubbles with? Who's gonna tear the balls off my enemies? I wish your mom would reconsider. You're amazing. Everything about you is beautiful. Never change, ok? You'll never be alone.

To Billy,
This must be awkward. I know it is for me. Thank you for being nice to me even though I can be annoying sometimes. You've been a great boyfriend for Elizabeth and we will all miss you when it's all said and done. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, no matter how stupid they are. You're a really awesome and funny guy. I hope you and Lizzy can somehow stay in contact and can see each other. I hate to see such a wonderful relationship die. Sometimes when I look at you two, I want to cry because it reminds me of what a true and respectful relationship should be like. I wish There were more people like you out there. Never let that kid in your heart fade away no matter how much you mature.

There, I said it all... I've been sitting here this whole time crying... I'm really gonna miss you guys. You've been true friends. Gah, I better stop writing before I break down completely. Gotta keep my composure. BE STRONG ANNA!!

Fruckin Uvula!!!

So this last weekend was pretty much made of fail. When we went to the dance recital, my cousin's dance was VERY LAST and i had to sit and watch a billion fucking children dance horribly on stage (there were some good dances too) while sitting behind a fucking infant that needed its diaper changed VERY BADLY!!! I was sitting there about to throw up because of the smell and the people who owned the child were just laughing and i was so pissed. THEN my mom, who was sitting next to me, had to know what song EVERY FUCKING PERSON was dancing to. Most of the time she didn't hear me the first time i would say it so i would have to REPEAT IT OVER AND OVER WITH A SORE FUCKING THROAT!!! It was terrible. By the time it was over, I was having a panic attack from sensory overload and my aunt had to take like 30 FUCKING MINUTES to take pictures when i was CLEARLY miserable.

Sunday I was about to die. I was sitting in church coming UBER close to falling asleep every five minutes. So, obviously seeing me completely dying, my pastor decides to preach until 1 FUCKING O'CLOCK droning on and on about the same thing. Then we get in the car. I look in the foldy sunblocky mirror thing and open my mouth to look at my throat. MY UVULA WAS GYNORMOUS AND BLOOD RED!!! It was so big that when i could muster up the courage to swallow, I ALMOST SWALLOWED MY FRUCKIN UVULA! It was gross. I showed my mom. FINALLY SHE DECIDES THAT I'M SICK AND NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

 

So we get to the doctor and the waiting room is full. The nurse lady said the wait was 1-2 hours. So we sat there... and we sat there... and people started leaving... and people came in with serious medical issues that had to leave because the wait was too long... and finally they call my name. I get everything checked by the nurse. The nurse tells us that it'll just be a few minutes and the doctor will come in. WE WAITED A FUCKING HALF HOUR FOR THE DOCTOR!! Then he came in and asked me a bagillion questions then looked at my throat. "Well, you have a nice red swollen uvula" NO FUCKING DIP SHERLOCK!! Then he says, "Well, bacteria can do that sometimes." REALLY?? REALLY?? YOU'RE A FUCKING DOCTOR!!! I KNOW MORE THAN THAT!!! So we tell him that this one medicine doesn't work for me. What does he prescribe? THAT MEDICINE. We get my meds and i have to take them right? we open them up. I HAVE TO TAKE 3 FUCKING HORSE PILLS WITH A SORE THROAT!! 

The only thing good about this weekend was that yesterday, we FINALLY got around to seeing the 4th Pirates movie. It ROCKED! Nuff said. Seriously. 

TODAY: Just took one of my finals. It was pretty easy. I doodled on the back of it lol. I have another final later and that one will also be super easy. I'm so glad that I'm getting all my grades up. Might blog later today. ;3  

I R RESBOCIPLE!!!!! (responsible o.O)

MOST OF THE HOUSE IS MOTHER TRUCKIN SPOTLESS!!!! All I need to do now is dust and do dishes.... then maybe if i feel like it I'll clean my room....

This is how i feel about my room. When it is time to clean my room, i fear my room. It's as if my room is going to eat me if i try to make it tidy. I guess my room is sorta like a dog afraid of water. IT HATES TAKING BATHS.... but when i actually get the courage to clean it, my room is a happy room. DOES NOT HAPPEN OFTEN!!

Well, my back is killing me right now... i mean KILLING ME!! It's saying to me, "ANNA, YOU'RE FAT AND I'M GOING TO PRETEND I'M OLD AND ARTHRITIC SO YOU CAN BE IN COMPLETE AGONY AND HATE YOURSELF!!!" Thank you back, thank you very much. Maybe its taunting me because it wants to be beat up because beating up my back = massage-like effect.

I think i'm getting better at drawing on paint. :) Do you think so? I mean, i'm not trying to COPY Allie in her drawings, but I find that her drawings best interpret emotions and moments, so i'm trying to get down that concept.

Dream??

Along with being a photographer, I've always dreamed of being in the spotlight. I wanted to be an actress for years or possibly even a singer. Last night I had a dream that i was in the audience of American Idol and they chose me to compete. I was ECSTATIC!! I knew i could win because all the other people seemed to suck. Well not all of them but yeah. Then all the sudden, the paparazzi started following me EVERYWHERE!!! They stalked me and chased me and all that kind of stuff. It's like they were undercover FBI agents trying to get information out of me. Some were trying to recruit me for a tv show. I spent the entire dream running and hiding from them. It was kinda freaky sometimes. Sometimes i was me, sometimes i was this dude, other times i was one of my friends, Lisa. Then during one point in the dream, i was making out with some chick. I was this dude... it was AWKWARD!!!

Anyway, it's Saturday. I have to clean the house today. THEN i'm going to i think another graduation... then my cousin's dance recital. 

^ All that was written about an hour ago... maybe i should star cleaning the house? BUT I'M WATCHING A SHOW ABOUT KITTIES AND LOOKING AT FLAIR ON FACEBOOK AND SELLING THINGS ON GAIA!!! I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN HOUSE!!! -_- *sigh*

Friends Forever

So tonight was my best friend EVER's graduation. This is a complicated situation. She was suppose to graduate the same year as me (next year) but then her parents decided that they wanted to become missionaries. Well. they were going to go to Italy this coming summer, so they wanted her to be done with school before they went so she didnt have to take her last year of high school in a language she didnt even know. (IGNORE ALL THE BAD GRAMMAR!!)

The missionary thing ended up being pushed back a full year in the middle of her now senior year of high school, forcing her to have to graduate a year early anyway. She will be 18 when her parents finally go to Italy, so she's not going to go with them. Brooke says that she doesn't care that she's graduating early, that she likes the fact that she can wait a year for college. I don't think that's what she really feels. I think she's disappointed because she couldn't graduate with the rest of her TRUE class. The class of 2012. The last graduates before the end of the world. HAHA WAIT!!! TECHNICALLY, SHE IS RIGHT NOW 0BECAUSE THE WORLD IS SUPPOSE TO END TOMORROW!!!!! Lol. Tomorrow is in like 20 minutes.

HERE ARE MY LAST WORDS BEFORE THE ENTIRE WORLD DIES!!! Mom, I love you, but I cant wait to leave so i dont have to deal with your bitch ass mouth anymore. Johnny Depp, I wish with all my heart that i could have seen your new movie before i die... i'm sorry, i have failed you. Andy, I'm sorry. Better luck with babies when you're dead, i guess. Maybe this baby will turn into a zombie and you can still be a daddy. Lubey..... oh, fuck it, you're going to survive this. You're the best cat in the world. Oh, and stop pissing everywhere. Ummm.... so much more to say, but I think they all get the point and they knwo what i would say to them.

GOODNIGHT WORLD!! I HOPE WE DON'T ALL DIE TONIGHT!!!

No pictures tonight, sorry.

Fail Party.

LOL. I told you we were going to have a party in homeroom, right? Well we did. It was a fail. There was a table, with like 3 different types of cookies and two bags of baked chips There were cups there, but nothing to fill it with. Only two people in the class remember we were having a party. NOT including the teacher. And she brought cookies. I tasted the cookies. Everyone agreed. IT TASTED LIKE SHE PUT COUGH SYRUP IN THEM!!!! It really did. I asked her about them and she said they were store bought and she doesnt remember adding cough syrup. LOL!!! Then she started joking about putting it in there to insure that we didn't get too hyper from the sugar. It's ok. I just sat there drinking my brought-from-home Diet Mountain Dew, eating my friend's cookies and rofling at my new favorite blog, Hyperbole and a Half

Then I went to lunch and succeeded in luring all my friends into the awesome that is Hyperbole and a Half. I got them hooked on Allie's blog, YAY ME!! I feel special for continuing the win of her. She deserves to be EPICALLY FAMOUS!!! And i will help if not just a little in that journey. Here are just a few of my favorite drawings of hers':

I hope you enjoyed this blog and please check out Hyperbole and a Half. YOU WONT REGRET IT I PROMISE!!!

I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!

DID ANYONE GO SEE THE NEW PIRATE MOVIE???????? I NEED TO KNOW!!! IT'S MY CRACK!!! TELLLLL MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg, i want to know so bad!!! How did Johnny doo???? I CANT WAIT!!!! I'm super duper excited to see it!!!!

Anyway, it's Friday. My throat feels better and i'm going to have a party in my homeroom, WOOT WOOT!! I have my choir final todayyyyy, and i knwo i'm going to do well. Lol, there's a lot of typos in those last sentences.

OMG MY FRIEND JUST TOLD ME ABOUT IT!!! He said it was good, but it wasnt the best. I DONT CARE, I'M PROBABLY GOING TO THINK IT WAS AMAZING!!!! I still remember the first time i really got into the Pirates moves. I went with this kid that i use to play outside with. It was the summer between the 6th and 7th grade. I went to see it cause it seemed like a good idea. I went to the theater and laughed. Btw, this was Dead Man's Chest. Had a great time and stuff. Then at the end, when Jack Sparrow got eaten, I literally started yelling at the movie, "NOOOOOOOO NO THIS CANT HAPPEN!!! JACK'S TOO AMAZING!! I'M GOING TO SUE YOU GUYS!! HE BETTER NOT BE DEAD!!! YOU BETTER AS HELL MAKE A THIRD MOVIE OR I'M GOING TO SUEEEE!!!!" It was epic. I'm totally surprised that i didnt get kicked out of the theater. Anyway, this has been a good blog ;) Might post another one today.

..... TToTT

Tonight... is the premier of Pirates of the Caribbean 4 On Stranger Tides. I would just like the world to know that I WANT TO GO TO THE PREMIERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! :((((( I CANT BECAUSE I'M SICK AND IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT!!! This makes me sad. I am a HUGE (I MEAN HUGE) Johnny Depp fan. I have 5 posters on my wall of him. I have a Pirates of the Caribbean role-play going on right now and EVERYONE in the roleplay is going to the premier and I CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S A DAMN SCHOOL NIGHT!!!!! Why couldnt you guys have waited ONE MORE DAY to have the movie come out????  Oh, well. I'll just go to bed and dream. That just means that some of you guys BETTER AS HELL TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD!!! Or I swear, i will kill you. I'll kill you dead. And i carve your heart out. And then I'll stab the heart. And then I will become the new you, cause that's how things work.

Anywayz, peace to you all. I hope that SOMEONE out there is reading these things. -_- Sweetest of dreams to you. I will be a senior soon!!! ;)

GET THAT POLE OUT OF YOUR ASS AND BE A MOTHER!!!!

So, i text mom at school today. My throat is KILLING me. I mean I'M ALMOST CRYING EVERY TIME I SWALLOW. I text her and apologize for texting in school, but that i can't help it because my other option is to go to the nurse and be sent home and miss MORE school. She text back, "I'll see what i can do."

SO, I drag my but to her work, feeling miserable and such and i get there and she shoves pain meds in my face and tells me to go to this room and lay down. I go in the room. I lay down. I turn on netbook because bored Anna. I look at some blogs and start to feel better and LAUGH MY ASS OFF. Mom opens the door. "I thought you were laying down?" Me, ""I was, then it got cold and i got bored." Mom closes the door. Mom comes back later and asks if i want to go home. I say yes. She gives me some soup and goes on to tell me that if i want to eat i can either eat soup or what we have at home, not both. I KNOW I'M FAT SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN FACE!

THEN she says that i'll just have to go home and take some cold meds and get over it because i WILL NOT miss school. I KNOW MOTHER, THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU TO GET ME A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT!!!! She has to work until late tonight, she cant. THEN GET MY BROTHER TO TAKE ME BECAUSE HE'S OFF WORK TODAY!!! She says that i'm almost done with school and i have to "deal with it" or "tough it out". I'M PLANNING ON IT MOTHER, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU IGNORE YOUR GOD DAMN SICK CHILD AND LET HER DIIEEEEEEE!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!! SEND ME TO THE DOCTOR!! IF YOU WERE A RESPONSIBLE AND GOOD MOTHER YOU WOULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE YOUR CHILD BETTER INSTEAD OF ASSUMING THAT I'M FAKING IT AND TELL ME TO GET OVER IT BECAUSE IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!!!!! This is what she sees.

And this is how i feel at the moment!!!!!!!

 IN CASE YOU CANT TELL, i feel as if i'm running a fever, MY THROAT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEING STABBED AND CUT, I'm overly tired, and i feel like a complete MESS!!!!!



ATTENTION ALL MOTHERS: TAKE YOUR CHILD TO THE DOCTOR IF THEY ASK YOU BECAUSE CHANCES ARE IF THEY ASK THEN THEY FEEL LIKE THEY REALLY NEED IT AND ARE NOT FAKING!!!

That is all.

So i've started a blogger...

Ok how do I start this thing...? Um, hi. I'm Anna. I started a blog on here so that i can let out some writing steam while waiting for a reply in my role-play. Well, it's also here for lack of anyone else to talk to and maybe i can inspire others as well. Who the hell knows. I just want to write. Write write write write. I may not always be grammatically correct and I KNOW that i will almost always be spaztical. But that's me. If you read this, please post comments and stuff so i can see if anyone really gives a fuck about what others have to say. I want people to hear my words... or um read them. I want to inspire people. I want to help people. I want to make people laugh their asses off. That's just who I am. I may write poems or stories or just WRITE but there will be something here for you to read. Soooooo pip pip cherio and thanks for readin!!! Ta!

And also, after every blog i will have a random question or quote icon. I thought they were funny and cool.